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29 June 2008 @ 11:39 am
I am more or less crap at titles.  
Title: And the Roses Shook Their Thorns
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Gojyo/Hakkai
Word Count: 838
Excerpt: You are not a ghost either, though you tried, once, to fade away with the moon. Your pale skin is translucent and thin, but the livid scar that marks it binds you to earth. This is your punishment for the blood that coats your hands, it says, this is the proof of all your sins.


His eyes are blood, as is his hair – a tide of crimson spilling across the sheets. He could be a ghost, a vengeful spirit, were it not for his expression which begs you with silent words: Stay. Please. An unfinished song, resonating through tears, through flesh, through bone. His arms encircle your waist like a fragile cage, begging, begging.

Coppery and scarlet, flooding through your veins – a drowning stench of blood. You reek of it. It's the stain of a thousand demons, and it will never be washed away.

He draws you to him, and you feel the desperation that flutters in his pulse. His body burns against yours, hot and sweat-slick, firm with muscle and bone. (He is not a ghost.) You shiver and pant, but say nothing. There are roses at your mouth which fasten your lips with brittle thorns.

"Hakkai . . ." Gojyo groans.

His mouth opens against your collarbone, teeth sharp, tongue wet and hot and desperate, and his hands press against your skin, trembling with blood. Every thud, every shudder of his heart, you feel within your marrow. His expression is at odds with itself, half-twisted with pleasure, half-wracked with despair. Mouth slack, eyes shut, he moans as he grinds his hips against yours. He is scared that he will lose the only person who has ever understood him, that you will leave forever. Don't go don't go, a mantra indistinguishable from his heartbeat.

You sigh, feeling his fingers within you, and draw your knees over his shoulders. You are not a ghost either, though you tried, once, to fade away with the moon. Your pale skin is translucent and thin, but the livid scar that marks it binds you to earth. This is your punishment for the blood that coats your hands, it says, this is the proof of all your sins. These roses will seal your lips forever.

He fucks you, cock thick and hot and thrust-thrust-thrusting. His hands are heavy against your shoulders, anchoring you further to the world; they are weighty, and they burn with blood. He bends to press his mouth to yours, but you turn away, and his red red lips smear across your cheek instead.

"No," you whisper, "don't." His hair veils the world in scarlet. What does he see through his blood-tinted eyes? You close your own, unwilling to look at the color of your sins.

His breathing is rough; he's struggling not to come, trying to stay with you. He grips your cock in one hand and claws at the bedsheets with the other, twisting them, gripping them spasmodically as if they are his lifeline to this earth. Stay, please.

Even if these roses loosened their grasp, what would you say? Nothing. Instead you whimper, and press your hand between his stomach and yours.

"Hakkai . . ." His voice is a strangled moan. "I'm gonna . . ."

This is the only way he knows to keep you. In his world, there is no use for the intangible, only the here-and-now-and-real, the things he can touch and feel. He begs you with his body because that's all he's ever learned.

You arch up, digging your heels into his back. He shivers like a wild thing, sweaty and gasping and shuddering and coming coming coming with your name on his tongue, Hakkai hakkai oh please, and he trembles, hips jerking into yours. Air tears itself from his lungs as he collapses, arms weak.

You squeeze your hand around his, fisting yourself to a climax. He crawls down to your lap and presses his mouth to your cock, sucking and licking. His tongue is red, like his hair, like his eyes, but his hands are bony and unsteady, still clumsy from pleasure.

He would give you his soul for nothing, if you asked. You could take it and put it in a jar and put it in your pocket and walk away with it, and he would still try and give you more. Anything to make you stay. Anything for you.

His lips are swollen and chafed against your cock. You thread your fingers through his hair, and thrust into his wet, pleading mouth. Anything? The blood on your hands will be your reminder for all of eternity. Do you need another?

Your orgasm is a searing shudder of pleasure. The semen dribbles from his mouth, white and sloppy and hot, and his throat bobs as he swallows, bared, needy, vulnerable. You want to hurt him, dig your nails into his face until his skull shatters and the blood runs burning down his cheeks. Why are you doing this, you want to ask. Why would you do this for me.

You say nothing, and turn over on your side. Gojyo's hand is a tentative touch on your shoulder. What will you do when morning comes? You wish you could burn away with the morning fog and sublimate into nothing. Vanish with the setting of the moon – a ghost, a spirit.

"Hakkai?" Gojyo whispers. "Hakkai?"
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( 42 footprints — Post a new comment )
lyradaemon[info]lyradaemon on June 29th, 2008 04:07 pm (UTC)
Oh wow. That was beautiful; so powerful and stirring. You could really feel both Gojyo and Hakkai's anguish in this. I really enjoyed the unusual writing style in 2nd person, since it gives more insight than the usual 3rd person and isn't as pedantic as 1st person.
The final two paragraphs were immense and really touching. It left with a slightly unsure feeling as to how things will work out between them, but sometimes you don't want things spelt out in black and white.
Really awesome! x
Aye the Guy[info]technovanilla on June 29th, 2008 04:17 pm (UTC)
Ahhh, thank you so much for your comment! I actually wrote this just so that I could use second person, ha ha.

Thanks for reading!
winged_sandals[info]winged_sandals on June 29th, 2008 04:27 pm (UTC)
Oh... I love how you characterized them in this. Gojyo's desperate devotion coupled with Hakkai's need to refuse himself happiness is so heartbreaking. The emotions in this were very well-done, I thought. It really touched me.
Aye the Guy[info]technovanilla on June 29th, 2008 04:38 pm (UTC)
I'm really, really glad the characterization worked out. I was terrified they would be too OOC, waugh. Thanks for commenting!
WriterZilch: Hakkai red[info]thewriter0 on June 29th, 2008 04:29 pm (UTC)
Oh, wow. Lyrical and beautiful and frightening. I loved the use of second person-- it's a hard format to pull off, but so great when you nail it.

Now I feel like I need to read about fluffy kittens and cupcakes to cheer myself up, but consider that your success. XD
Aye the Guy[info]technovanilla on June 29th, 2008 04:41 pm (UTC)
Ehehehe, I am an angstbot! I'm glad you liked the second person! Thanks for reading.
Theskywasblue[info]theskywasblue on June 29th, 2008 04:51 pm (UTC)
Oh hellllllll *shivers* That was beautiful, and terrifying. I'm utterly stunned. Their emotions are so tangible in this it actually hurts.

He would give you his soul for nothing, if you asked. You could take it and put it in a jar and put it in your pocket and walk away with it, and he would still try and give you more. - I think this is perhaps the best characterization of Gojyo I've ever read.
Aye the Guy[info]technovanilla on June 29th, 2008 04:57 pm (UTC)
GOJYO, I LOVE HIM. Thank you so much for your comment!
lauand: Gojyo - Fuck up[info]lauand on June 29th, 2008 06:31 pm (UTC)
I'm not usually into poetic styles, I'm a very prosaic person, but this was a beautiful reading. I liked how you pictured Gojyo, so devoted, and Hakkai, so selfish and twisted and torn, as well as how you described the sex, combining the poetic style with the crudness of the actions themselves.
Aye the Guy[info]technovanilla on June 29th, 2008 07:56 pm (UTC)
I'm really glad you liked it! Thanks for reading.
Ginny: Saiyuki OTP[info]ginnyvos on June 29th, 2008 07:35 pm (UTC)
This was... Extremely intense, almost ethereal in quality and just... Wow.
Aye the Guy[info]technovanilla on June 29th, 2008 07:57 pm (UTC)
Ahh, thank you for commenting!
erinmacha[info]erinmacha on June 29th, 2008 07:46 pm (UTC)
*sniffles* The imagery was beautiful, but Gojyo's neediness and the fact Hakkai won't let himself respond whole-heartedly to it? *sniffles*

Wonderfully written!
Aye the Guy[info]technovanilla on June 29th, 2008 07:57 pm (UTC)
Aww, *hug*. Thanks for reading!
Mostly Harmless: Saiyuki[info]aeneus on June 29th, 2008 10:38 pm (UTC)
Pretty intense stuff.
Aye the Guy[info]technovanilla on June 29th, 2008 11:09 pm (UTC)
Thanks for reading!
Mostly Harmless: Saiyuki Hakkai/Gojyo[info]aeneus on June 30th, 2008 10:45 am (UTC)
I can't stay away from angsty Hakkai/Gojyo ;)

But I have to ask again to please friendlock your post over at [info]saiyukiyaoi for this fic.
priestess_grrrl: hakkai_youkai[info]priestess_grrrl on June 30th, 2008 02:59 am (UTC)
Wow, that was so darkly beautiful. For some reason what really got to me was when Hakkai says he wants to crush Gojyo's skull like that... *shivers* Something about that just really felt right, which says scary things about their relationship.

I like dark!Hakkai fics, because you know, as much as we all like to squee over domestic!Hakkai cleaning up Gojyo's cigarette butts, ahem, the man's a murderer of epic proportions. It's not like that's never going to come up. I like how you portrayed his dark side here.

I also like how you envisioned Gojyo: he really is needy like that, and desperate like that, and willing to sell his soul for a dime like that... A lot of fics explore how they "fix each other" by filling in each other's holes. This one, it's like their two black holes come crashing together, only to immediately part again, still just as dark as before, which somehow seems so much more realistic. Nicely done.
Aye the Guy[info]technovanilla on June 30th, 2008 04:24 pm (UTC)
Mmm, Hakkai. I think that what's really great about him is that there are these two sides: the dark Cho Gonou part and then the absent-minded Cho Hakkai part. I like both of them!

Meheheh, I love angst. Thank you so much for reading!
(Anonymous) on June 30th, 2008 07:26 am (UTC)
ah exquisitely written.
I feel somewhat bitter by the end of it.
Aye the Guy[info]technovanilla on June 30th, 2008 04:25 pm (UTC)
Ha ha, thanks!
amikko: 58[info]amikko on June 30th, 2008 11:50 am (UTC)
intensely angsty it is. love how you potray hakkai's dark side. a good read.
Aye the Guy[info]technovanilla on June 30th, 2008 04:25 pm (UTC)
Thanks very much for commenting!
Lady Lotus Moon[info]ladylotusmoon on June 30th, 2008 11:56 am (UTC)
I love the use of color and how the sexual exertion came across as desperation. When Hakkai refused the kiss, it was heart-wrenching. Thanks for sharing this.
Aye the Guy[info]technovanilla on June 30th, 2008 04:25 pm (UTC)
I'm glad you noticed the color theme! Thank you for reading!
Karuune/Dambae[info]karuune on June 30th, 2008 12:09 pm (UTC)
Very beautifully written. You've captured Hakkai's hopelessness very well.
Aye the Guy[info]technovanilla on June 30th, 2008 04:26 pm (UTC)
Thanks so much for commenting!
orehime: [info]orehime on June 30th, 2008 02:21 pm (UTC)
^^^ What they all said. This twists my little heart, to see them not fixing each other, but still clinging together anyway. *sigh*
Aye the Guy[info]technovanilla on June 30th, 2008 04:26 pm (UTC)
Aww, tiny heart. But thank you for reading!
sharpeslass[info]sharpeslass on June 30th, 2008 04:11 pm (UTC)

Ouch and wow. I don't generally care for second person but this was great.

Also:
This is the only way he knows to keep you. In his world, there is no use for the intangible, only the here-and-now-and-real, the things he can touch and feel. He begs you with his body because that's all he's ever learned.

In that line there you've completely summed up what I (ineffectively) have been trying to explain to a friend about Gojyo and his sexuality for weeks!
Aye the Guy[info]technovanilla on June 30th, 2008 04:27 pm (UTC)
OMFG I LOVE YOUR ICON, AHAHHAH.

Hehe. You can explain it now, yay! Thank you for reading!
Epiphany: Homura[info]epiphanytiff on June 30th, 2008 09:43 pm (UTC)
Yay! A fellow angster *grins darkly*

I have never seen a fic written in this POV and it works so well. It made me think that Hakkai was kind of out of his body in the experience, reflecting on what was happening. So vivid, with the colours and the want of Hakkai to hurt Gojyo; perhaps to see if he was real.

Very well done, friend!
Aye the Guy[info]technovanilla on July 2nd, 2008 12:47 pm (UTC)
Ahh, I love your insight into the second person. Thanks very much!
a_mael[info]a_mael on June 30th, 2008 09:52 pm (UTC)
Very nicely done! The second-person POV works wonderfully well here. The disconnected feeling of Hakkai's voice is perfect for creating the distance between his body and his mind.

Dark, angsty and lovely ♥~
Aye the Guy[info]technovanilla on July 2nd, 2008 12:48 pm (UTC)
Thank you so much for commenting!
twitchdemon: Hearts[info]twitchdemon on July 2nd, 2008 05:33 am (UTC)
Duuuuude. This is the first Saiyuki fic I've ever read, and fuck is it awesome (as expected).

I love the second-person thing you have going on here. It's such a vivid form of address and it makes this so much more sad and hot and desperate. You can really feel their need; it's fucking amazing.

He would give you his soul for nothing, if you asked. You could take it and put it in a jar and put it in your pocket and walk away with it, and he would still try and give you more. Anything to make you stay. Anything for you.
I love that part. Such vivid imagery.

This is totally brilliant, as are you.

(p.s. I'm working on Mattress but fuck is it hard, and it's taking for fucking ever because I keep having to switch computers. But I promise I'm working on it!)
Aye the Guy[info]technovanilla on July 2nd, 2008 12:50 pm (UTC)
YOU SHOULD PROBABLY READ MORE SAIYUKI FIC. I love them Saiyuki boys.

But, waugh, thank yooou for noticing all the little things. Me love you mucho.

(I AM SO WORKING HARD ON MATTRESS LIKE, TODAY. MY LAPTOP IS COMING AND I CAN FINALLY GET SOME WORK DONE WITHOUT MY MOM LOOKING OVER MY SHOULDER ALL THE FUCKING TIME.)
Pip[info]candika on July 2nd, 2008 05:53 am (UTC)
That was beautiful, dark and deeply moving. I felt so sorry for both of them.

Well done.
Aye the Guy[info]technovanilla on July 2nd, 2008 12:50 pm (UTC)
Thanks very much!! ♥
orvida[info]orvida on July 22nd, 2008 04:24 pm (UTC)
Wow this story was basis of what their lives are like on a daily routine goyjo keeps hakkai grounded and versa vice. when each of them are feeling bad the other knows exactly what to do to bring them back to reality, shitty as it maybe they need each other so desperately that it's unimaginable not to see the other lurking near by wanting /waiting to help out in times of need. friends/lovers.
Aye the Guy[info]technovanilla on July 24th, 2008 03:40 pm (UTC)
Ha ha, yeah. Thanks for reading!
muffin_shark[info]muffin_shark on June 1st, 2009 04:09 pm (UTC)
This is amazing. I do love me some angst, and it was beautifully written.
 
 

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